I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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