if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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