So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
