I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
