i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
