so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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