then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
