I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize