then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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