she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
