To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
