I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
