I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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