Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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