Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
