Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
