Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
