The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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