I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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