Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I supernannyed him into submission
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
