Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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