That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
