would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
