Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
