she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no you cant smoke seaweed
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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