You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
