Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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