Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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