Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
