I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
