So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I want her autograph on my taint
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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