dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just pee around me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
