Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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