I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
