i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
