HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
