i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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