I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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