You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
