Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
