when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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