I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize