New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
