I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
