I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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