Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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