I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
