when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
