Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
