The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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