He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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