Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
