I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
