I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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