my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
