i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
