Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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