dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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