Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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