The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
