Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
