Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
