the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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