From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we're so committed to being not committed
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
