Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
