Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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