Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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