i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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