At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
