Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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