please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
